That word makes ones heart skip so hard but in a bad way. You feel like you have a sharp object piercing in your heart.It is a very sad feeling and one that I am familiar with. Talking about it brings you to a place that you actually thought you have forgotten or suppressed. I know you can never forget how you feel when you grief. Especially now in this pandemic when you have suddenly lost someone dear to you. Bringing back the memories of the loved ones you cherished or played a pivotal role in your life and you thought they would never leave you or the world. 

  • You need to mourn. 

It’s the shock and disbelief of the death. You have find a way to recover from it. If you need to get away from the situation at the moment. Get away, get yourself and come back refreshed. Processing death or the lose of a loved one can be different. Take all the time you need to mourn. 

  • You may feel in denial: 

This may be someone that is dearest to you, that you may have just seen the same morning or spoken to on the phone not long. And you have just heard that the person is gone, either in a car crash or suddenly you go into shock and you wonder am I in a dream? You feel it’s a trick. You still don’t want to believe that they are gone and you want to find any reason to believe that they are still alive. Just because you don’t want to believe it ,you pinch yourself to know if it’s real. You feel you are in a trance  you want to get to reality, you feel you are in a dream then you hope and pray to wake up. So, 

  • You bargain: 

You wish for their lives back in exchange for something. You wish they could come back to you if you maybe did something better. Then  

  • You feel guilty: 

Why them?

Why is this happening to you?

Why didn’t I stop him or her from leaving? 

Why didn’t I call them more often? 

Why didn’t I go visit them more often? 

Why didn’t I assist them when they came to me for help?

I should have been there for them. 

You have a storm of questions due to the guilt you feel about the death of the person. You want to make things right by all means and when you can’t ,

  • You get angry: 

You’re angry with the world, you are angry with yourself, you are practically angry with everything and everyone around you and you can’t seem to hold back that anger. This is the worst feeling you have ever felt and you just want to punch the wall or break something or scream at the top of your lungs. You get tired and 

  • You may feel depressed:

This feeling is normal. It’s okay to feel depressed as long as you find or get the necessary help that you need. You start to feel ill and you don’t want to do your normal daily activities. You sometimes want to be alone and It’s not ideal to be left alone when you’ve just lost someone. The thought of loneliness can be so cruel alongside depression. Get the necessary help you need if you ever feel that way. It’s not a problem to ask for help. It is actually important you do. When you eventually become aware, 

  • You begin to accept: 

This feeling of acceptance makes you feel relieved. You begin to cherish the memories of that person(s) you have lost. You feel a lot better to talk about how you feel whether physically or emotional. You want to get back into the reality of things. 

The most important thing is that having these feelings are normal. Feelings of emotional or physical distress, feelings of being in a trance, being confused, feeling like our bodies aren’t ours anymore, feelings that people think you are going crazy or you feeling like you are going crazy, your health deteriorates, you become negligent about yourself and  everything around you. You continue to fantasise about what could have been or how life would seemingly be worthless without them. We mask ourselves with smiles and make people feel that everything is okay but it isn’t. All these feelings and more are normal as long as you are aware of the way you feel. You have to get yourself back to reality and get help. Family and close friends are the best to lean on to when you find yourself in these sea of emotional or physical depreciation. Find your strength and life goes on. Speak about it, share your thoughts and feelings. Get back to doing the things you love to do, go back to getting nourished again and feel alive. You have so much ahead of you. 

It’s necessary to ask for help and get the help you need. It’s not going to be an easy process but it will get better. Stay calm and cool as always 😊